As part of National Adoption Month, I’ll be posting about our adoption on this blog on and off throughout the month of November.  If you’re here for teaching-related content, scroll on down 🙂

You can read Part I here >>> A New Beginning

I contacted an agency on a Monday, November 12, 2012.  Unfamiliar to this process, I was excited to find out that we could start right away.  I filled out an application, submitted a deposit, and within days had set up our first meeting with the agency.  For The Girl Who Likes a Plan, things were going along just swimmingly.

So, we completed a series of interviews and began the homestudy process.  We quickly learned that ‘homestudy’ was actually code word for LOTS OF PAPERWORK.  The paper chase was completely understandable and looked more overwhelming on paper than it actually was.  We spent the rest of the month of November gathering everything from financial statements to references to background checks to physicals from our family doctor.  Our agency said that this process could go as fast as we wanted, and, naturally, I was in a hurry to get it all put together and processed.

While the paper chase was in full effect, I also started working on a photo book for prospective parents to view that detailed our lives.   This was probably the hardest part of preparing for our homestudy.  How do you convey how much you love each other and how much you would love another child through a 24-page photobook?  When it comes down to it, you’re trying to convince a complete stranger – who is likely making the most challenging decision of her life – that you will love and provide for her child forever.  It’s a really big thing.

When all of our paperwork was submitted, we arranged for our agency to visit our home and conduct our final individual interviews, see our home, and meet Becks.  Slightly daunting.  In the end, all went well and we were ‘homestudy approved’ in the middle of December 2012.  We were listed as a ‘Waiting Family’ on our agency’s website and I couldn’t have been happier.  It was happening!  We were going to adopt!  We even sent our annual Christmas card announcing the good news, sharing with our families our intent to grow our family through adoption.

Because I want to share my heart with you, and be honest about the process of adoption, I’m going to be very blunt.  Some families are matched within days or a few months of listing with an agency, but that was not the case for us.  And, the wait?  The wait SUCKED.

Really, it sucked the life right out of me.  With each passing month, I felt the double-blow of not being pregnant and not being matched with an expectant mother.  Combine that with further pregnancy announcements from friends and family, and I will tell you that it wasn’t a pleasant time.  I cried a lot.  I checked my email too often, looking for news from our agency.  I talked about the whole thing incessantly and I’m sure drove everyone who would listen crazy with my musings.

I read and reread and read again our Dear Expectant Parent(s) letter on the website, looking for something to add or change that might make us more appealing to prospective birth parents.  I longed to cuddle a newborn, to watch Brandon be a daddy again, and for Becks to have a sibling to love and adore.  And, it wasn’t happening.

I made monthly phone calls to our agency for updates, wanting to know if they were working with any expectant parents.  There was no news.  Families had been matched, but not ours.  We were almost two years into our journey to become parents again and several months into the adoption process.  I was depressed and consumed by the entire thing.

In January, we started looking at new homes with the intention to rent out our current home.  We made an offer on one in February and planned to move in late March.  Preparing for the move was a nice distraction, but honestly nothing took my mind completely away from my infertility or the adoption process.  The emptiness was always right there, making me feel vulnerable and powerless.  There was absolutely nothing I could do.

Looking back at this specific period of months, my faith limited and narrow.  Look at us, God!  We’re just PERFECT for another child.  Why not us?!  What are YOU doing up there to make this happen for ME???  Oh, she gets a baby and I don’t?  How do you figure that?  I’m so not following your grand plan, here…

Those are real, actual thoughts I had.  Selfish?  Absolutely.  Self-seeking?  Yup.  Egotistical?  For sure.   I was weak and the enemy knew that these were the best ways to attack my heart.  I would look for scripture that I could tailor to fit my needs – completely out of context – instead of really reading His word and knowing that He never said this life was going to be easy of free from pain.

We’d lived in our home for about a month when I felt like I was receiving a message directly from Him while I was doing laundry one day.   I wrote about it on my family blog, feeling the need to document it as a testament to my faith.  {As most of you know the end of this story, I am *so* glad that I did!}  I even washed a load of girl clothes that I’d collected from thrifting throughout the years.   This gave me a small sense of peace and comfort.

Almost exactly a month later – on the first day of state testing, no less,  I was leaving school with my silenced phone in hand.  As I went to turn the ringer on, I noticed that a call was coming through.  From our agency.  I answered it and heard that an expectant mother had reviewed our profile and chosen us to parent her unborn baby.   It was only May and she was months away from her November 2nd due date, but I. WAS. ECSTATIC.  We were going to have a baby!

And, like the crazy person I was, coming down off of two years of infertility and six months into our adoption journey, I went to Brandon’s workplace and made a big, fat scene.  I was crying and couldn’t contain my excitement, embarrassing my poor husband who wasn’t quite sure how to react to my enthusiasm and tears in such a public place.  I kind of grimace looking back, knowing I played the role of Crazy Hormonal Wife very, very well that day.  He hugged me and sent me home to collect myself.  I really don’t remember what happened after that other than I couldn’t wait to share the news with our family.

Instead, our agency instructed us to wait before telling anyone, as it wasn’t declared a ‘match’ until we met the expectant mother and both agreed it was a fit.  We were scheduled to meet her the last week of May.

To be continued…

{Tomorrow’s post will be really amazing.  Just you wait!}